


Like You

by Lucigoosey_The_Lightbringer



Series: Renegades (Steven Universe: Homeworld AU) [2]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Gen, Grief/Mourning, I Am My Mom Gone Wrong, Renegades Steven Universe AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:35:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29146773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucigoosey_The_Lightbringer/pseuds/Lucigoosey_The_Lightbringer
Summary: Two months really wasn't that long in theory. Maybe the Earth had recognized that Steven's absence was wrong. That time shouldn't move without him. But time couldn't just stand still, so it had just slowed.| Set during the events of IARQ (I Am Rose Quartz), set between c8-c11.
Relationships: Lapis Lazuli & Peridot (Steven Universe), Lapis Lazuli & Pumpkin, Peridot & Pumpkin (Steven Universe)
Series: Renegades (Steven Universe: Homeworld AU) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1918204
Comments: 16
Kudos: 19





	Like You

Lapis sat at the edge of the 'smaller-than-average lake', toes dipped in the water.

It had been two months since Steven was taken to Homeworld. To a gem who had spent thousands of years imprisoned in a mirror, alone and trapped, it should have felt like nothing at all. Like no time had passed. But the Earth had a weird way of warping time in the worst ways possible at the worst _times_ possible, and Lapis felt those thousands of years in isolation wither away, standing as what felt like nothing compared to how agonizingly long it had been since they'd lost him. It was kind of funny, if she really _thought_ about it, because she'd spent months on Earth before, and they'd gone by so quickly. So she couldn't really explain why it felt like years had gone by instead. It was an odd feeling, unjustified and unwarranted. Two months really wasn't that long in theory. Maybe the Earth had recognized that Steven's absence was wrong. That time _shouldn't_ move without him. But time couldn't just stand still, so it had just _slowed_.

The gems kept saying he was probably dead. They cried a lot. Garnet had unfused, and Ruby and Sapphire never left each other's sides. Amethyst usually stuck with Pearl, comforting her, but whenever she had the chance to, she came by the barn sometimes to hang out with Peridot, and Lapis tended not to partake in whatever conversations they had unless Steven was brought up, but these days, his name was a rare thing to hear. Nobody wanted to talk about him because nobody wanted to face the fact that he was dead. That he _could_ have been dead.

Something about it irked her, really. They had no proof that he was dead. Homeworld could have simply taken him prisoner. And the stars know Lapis knew what it was like to be a prisoner.

(Actually, she didn't know which scenario she thought was worse.)

The blue gem sighed, staring blankly at the water under her feet, and narrowed her eyes. She knew everyone missed him. That's why they cried all the time. Why Amethyst wasn't as happy and chipper as she used to be. Why Garnet wasn't around. Why she never even _saw_ Pearl leave the temple. Greg didn't come around, Connie was quieter than usual on the rare occasions she and Lion did stop by, and Peridot had nearly shut herself off. Lapis and Amethyst were the only two she really spoke to anymore. She didn't speak about Steven when Amethyst was around, but the blue gem noticed she couldn't seem to stop mentioning him when it was just the two of them. She'd comment off-handedly on something that used to belong to him, something he'd given them for the barn, a meep morp that reminded her of him. Lapis would play the game a little herself, pointing out the leaf he'd given her long ago, the baseball bat… they'd laugh for hours, talking about him, thinking about him, remembering him. Then they'd cry.

She knew everyone missed him, but sometimes it felt like she missed him a little bit more.

Lapis flicked the water with her toes and frowned, eyebrows furrowing slightly. Steven was so brave, and so strong, and so nice. If he wasn't dead by some chance, by some _miracle_ , then Homeworld… Homeworld would break him, wouldn't it? At first glance, it seemed like he had such a boundless spirit, such a gentle soul that couldn't be twisted or tainted. But even the strongest gem could crack under pressure, and Steven was so young. So kind, so innocent.

And Homeworld was going to beat it out of him.

"... Lapis?"

She startled for a second, back arching as she nearly prepared to summon her wings, and froze. Peridot's voice registered in her mind a little too late, but thankfully she'd managed to relax by the time the green gem reached her side. Pumpkin was cradled in her arms, calm and content as she snuggled close to the smaller gem and peered up at Lapis with concern shining through her black eyes. The blue gem managed a tentative smile in her direction, pulling her feet free of the water and pulling her knees up to her chest to cross her arms over them instead, and let her eyes drift back up to focus on Peridot's worried face. "Hey, Peridot. Hi, Pumpkin."

Peridot sat beside her, and Pumpkin squeezed in between them, pressing herself against both of them and snuggling down against the grass. Lapis allowed herself to soften a bit, reaching a hand down to rest it against her head, and cradled her own head in her other arm with a sigh.

Beside her, Peridot leaned back on her hands, looking up at the stars, and tilted her head. "You're thinking about him again, aren't you?" She asked, somewhat hesitantly. "Steven."

"Yeah." Lapis quieted a little, continuing softly, "I miss him."

"Me, too." Peridot heaved out a sigh, and her chest shuddered with it. Her body flinched a little in response, ducking her head low for a moment and not looking at her. Lapis glanced at her from the corner of her eye, but she didn't say anything else for a moment. She knew Peridot wasn't too great at talking about her own feelings. Honestly, Lapis wasn't either, but it was for a different reason. Somehow, she felt like Peridot was someone she could talk to, she could trust. Sometimes it didn't feel like it was the same way with Peridot, though. Sometimes it felt like there were things that Peridot felt like she couldn't say, things she was scared to mention. Lapis didn't like it, but she also wasn't entirely sure what she was supposed to do about it either.

(And a smaller part of her, a more selfish part, wasn't sure she wanted to…)

She shook her head, rolling her eyes at herself, and looked back at the water. She hated herself. She hated herself more than she thought she'd ever be able to hate anybody else.

The water rippled as she stretched her legs out, dipping her toes back in. She sighed.

"Do you think he's dead?" She asked, suddenly, without looking.

Peridot startled a little beside her, flashing her a quick, wide-eyed look before glancing down again. She stroked a hand along Pumpkin's side, fingers trailing across the ridges in the little creature's body, and drew her eyebrows together with a contemplative frown as she thought Lapis's words over. It took a few seconds for her to respond. "I… I think… the _possibility_ of…"

Lapis shut her eyes and ducked her head. Peridot's words stuttered out and trailed off.

"Do- do you?" The green gem finally asked, sounding anxious. "Do you think he's dead?"

"Peridot," Lapis began, and huffed out a quiet, hollow laugh as she lifted her head again. "I don't know _what_ to think. I don't even know if they'd want him dead or alive or what. If they'd shatter him or- or if they'd keep him alive to punish him, if he's a prisoner - I don't know what they're doing to him, what they did to him. But what if he isn't _dead?_ Everyone thinks he is, but what if he's not? What if he's still alive? Still-" She tipped it back, eyes on the sky, and stared at the stars for a moment, the familiar swirl of Homeworld's galaxy above them, and her mind blanked.

She remembered flying to Homeworld, arriving on a broken planet, her home quickly turned into a strange land like one she'd never seen before. But she remembered before that, stars and planets and things she'd passed on the way. She knew the way there like the back of her hand.

"Still there," she continued quietly. "... still a prisoner."

"But they think he shattered Pink Diamond," Peridot reminded her, not seeming to notice her plight as she scrunched her face up. "What reason would they have to keep him alive?"

Lapis simply kept her eyes on the sky, gaze trailing across the stars, and frowned.

The thought of Steven being dead hurt. But the thought of him being a prisoner, trapped on Homeworld alone and scared? Lapis had been there. She knew exactly what it was like. And she'd have given anything, back then, for someone to _know_ where she was. To know she was trapped, and alone and afraid. For someone to know, and save her. The thought of Steven being in the same - or at least, a _similar_ situation, it struck something inside her she couldn't ignore. It made her ache, to her very core. Steven was good, _so_ good, and so much better than she would ever be. She couldn't speak for what she deserved - but _he_ didn't deserve that.

"I guess _maybe_ if they wanted to _punish_ him…" Peridot continued hesitantly. "But I don't know."

Lapis shook her head, silent.

Peridot looked over at her, eyebrows furrowing with concern. "... why?"

"... nothing," Lapis mumbled. She looked down again, rubbing her fingers absently against Pumpkin's head, then took a deep breath and pushed herself up. "I guess I'm just… tired."

"Gems aren't supposed to get tired," Peridot reminded her, standing up.

 _Not that kind of tired,_ she couldn't help but think, but she merely shrugged in response.

Peridot took a deep breath, looking down at the ground for a moment. Then, finally, she reached out and took one of Lapis's hands in her own; the blue gem let her, silently curling her fingers with her best friend's as Peridot glanced back up at her, a sudden determination in her gaze. "Look… we haven't given up. _They_ haven't given up. Amethyst said they're still trying to figure out how to get that dropship working. It's pretty old tech, but maybe I can work with them a bit."

"Yeah," Lapis agreed without quite thinking. The words felt all wrong even as she said them, but she forced them out anyway. "That's… a good idea. You should spend more time with them."

Peridot managed to look confused. Lapis understood, but she wasn't about to clarify.

She wasn't about to drag her into this.

(Especially when she wasn't even sure she wanted to get into it herself.)

For now, she squeezed her hand and dropped it again, only to rest a hand against Peridot's head, patting the top of her triangle-shaped hair, and turned back to the barn. Pumpkin scampered after her as she started walking, and Peridot was quick to catch up to them again.

"Do you wanna watch TV?" She asked hopefully. "We could binge season three of CPH."

Lapis paused, glancing at her, and then looked back up at the barn, then up to the truck where the television rested. She was tired, but not tired enough to sleep. She wouldn't be able to sleep now. Of course, she probably wouldn't be able to focus on Camp Pining Hearts either, but that sounded like a better alternative than just laying there in her hammock all night. "Sounds good."

Peridot lit up. Lapis couldn't help but smile. "I'll get the DVD!"

"I'll get the TV set up." Lapis reached down, scooping Pumpkin into her arms, and spread her wings. Peridot ran ahead, disappearing into the barn, and Lapis gazed after her for a moment. With one last glance back toward the sky, the swirl of stars that made up part of Homeworld's galaxy, she flew them up to the truck and sank back into her usual seat, turning the television on with her foot and cradling Pumpkin against her chest. The small creature snuggled against her, twisting a bit in her arms to rasp her tongue across Lapis's cheek, and the gem smiled tiredly.

"I love you too, girl," she murmured, pressing her mouth against her head. "... I love you, too."


End file.
